It all started when I posted a normal, run of the mill update on FB. My friend Shorey, a lover of all things TV and now into crowd funding for worthy creative projects, pinged me. What follows is a tiny look into how free-wheeling 21st Century Indian daily soaps could look like - if WE had any say in it :D
(Warning: Some colloquial Hindi)
SHOREY:
Naalaayak! Kaam waam nahi hai……. FB pe timepass ho raha hai
(You worthless piece of poo-poo.... wasting time on FB)
SEARCHER:
Haan, true hai ji
(Yep, that's true)
SHOREY:
uff!!!! yeh aaj kal ki ladkiyan….
(Gosh! This generation's kids......)
SEARCHER:
haan! Yeh sach hai!! Main aaj kal ki ladki hi hoon!
*sounds of chudiyaan breaking*
(Yes! It's true.. I AM a kid of this generation!
*sound of shattering glass bangles)
SHOREY:
*close up of shocked faces in slow motion, repeat with color change*
SEARCHER:
*Cue heroine running out of room in tears*
SHOREY:
*... Hero crying in one corner so no-one sees him… So metrosexual macho *ugh*
SEARCHER:
Mother in law immediately updates Facebook with #familydrama
SHOREY:
Sister in Law calls Heroine LS and tweets #whatabitch
And says "my poor bro is trapped #blindlyinlove"
SEARCHER:
Heroine's family immediately deletes the whatsapp family group and starts another one
SHOREY:
Meanwhile the heroine's sis secretly looks for guys for the Heroine on Tinder
SEARCHER:
And discovers the Hero's Tinder Profile!! *Cue more tears and horror
SHOREY:
The heroine's brother BBm's all his bros to go and beat the crap out of the Hero….. After all GPS tracking is easy.. His best friend is a techie
SEARCHER:
But his friends say "Dude, you're still using BB?!" And immediately unfriend him
SHOREY:
Sub Plot starts….. The bro starts stalking his BFF's GF on her secret MY Space page….…...
SEARCHER:
Where he finds porn clippings of her and her brother - who, mid scene, discovers he's adopted and loses his libido…
What will Happen now? Will the Heroine’s brother’s best-friend’s girlfriend choose someone else to fill the gaping hole IN HER HEART!
(this is becoming very modern age NSFW)
SHOREY:
Cut! Cut!…. This much is enough to sell it to the producer…..
#WhatAnIdeaSirjee
SEARCHER:
Superb
SHOREY:
This will be our Story….. 'Script of the Year' Written on FB chat
*Cue Awards
SEARCHER:
Chalo, tum funding organise karo, main likhna shuru karti hoon
KISNE kaha ki FB pe timepass hota hai??
(Awrighty then, get the funds organized, I'll start writing the show.
Who said one only wastes time on FB??)
Maybe this is why no one gives me a job on TV.
Sigh
(Warning: Some colloquial Hindi)
SHOREY:
Naalaayak! Kaam waam nahi hai……. FB pe timepass ho raha hai
(You worthless piece of poo-poo.... wasting time on FB)
SEARCHER:
Haan, true hai ji
(Yep, that's true)
SHOREY:
uff!!!! yeh aaj kal ki ladkiyan….
(Gosh! This generation's kids......)
SEARCHER:
haan! Yeh sach hai!! Main aaj kal ki ladki hi hoon!
*sounds of chudiyaan breaking*
(Yes! It's true.. I AM a kid of this generation!
*sound of shattering glass bangles)
SHOREY:
*close up of shocked faces in slow motion, repeat with color change*
SEARCHER:
*Cue heroine running out of room in tears*
SHOREY:
*... Hero crying in one corner so no-one sees him… So metrosexual macho *ugh*
SEARCHER:
Mother in law immediately updates Facebook with #familydrama
SHOREY:
Sister in Law calls Heroine LS and tweets #whatabitch
And says "my poor bro is trapped #blindlyinlove"
SEARCHER:
Heroine's family immediately deletes the whatsapp family group and starts another one
SHOREY:
Meanwhile the heroine's sis secretly looks for guys for the Heroine on Tinder
SEARCHER:
And discovers the Hero's Tinder Profile!! *Cue more tears and horror
SHOREY:
The heroine's brother BBm's all his bros to go and beat the crap out of the Hero….. After all GPS tracking is easy.. His best friend is a techie
SEARCHER:
But his friends say "Dude, you're still using BB?!" And immediately unfriend him
SHOREY:
Sub Plot starts….. The bro starts stalking his BFF's GF on her secret MY Space page….…...
SEARCHER:
Where he finds porn clippings of her and her brother - who, mid scene, discovers he's adopted and loses his libido…
What will Happen now? Will the Heroine’s brother’s best-friend’s girlfriend choose someone else to fill the gaping hole IN HER HEART!
(this is becoming very modern age NSFW)
SHOREY:
Cut! Cut!…. This much is enough to sell it to the producer…..
#WhatAnIdeaSirjee
SEARCHER:
Superb
SHOREY:
This will be our Story….. 'Script of the Year' Written on FB chat
*Cue Awards
SEARCHER:
Chalo, tum funding organise karo, main likhna shuru karti hoon
KISNE kaha ki FB pe timepass hota hai??
(Awrighty then, get the funds organized, I'll start writing the show.
Who said one only wastes time on FB??)
Maybe this is why no one gives me a job on TV.
Sigh
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