About two years ago, one of my closest friends - Samantha - got married to a guy who adored her. Her wedding day was one of the most painful days of my life.
Many years ago, we had made a pact - that we would be true to our hearts, never compromise on love and never settle for less that our due. We'd been 17. And at the age of 28, after being whacked senseless by life and love, when she married a guy because she 'didn't care either ways', i felt betrayed. This girl, dressed in silk and gold, wearing a blank expression on the 'happiest day of her life' wasn't the friend i'd known and cherished all these years.
Months passed, during which phone calls were the usual mode of contact. But everytime i asked how she was doing, her brittle over-bright voice would travel across the phone waves assuring me that "Things are perfect." After a while, even those infrequent calls petered off - after all, it's impossible to have a real conversation when you're trying to ignore the elephant in the room. However, a few months ago, she called me and told me that she had filed for divorce. She sobbed about how horrible her marriage was, how she didn't love him, how her mother was making her life miserable because of the divorce, etc etc.
I was furious. How dare she expect me to just sit here and listen sympathetically when she knew exactly what she was getting into? And if what she was getting into was so anti-code, then how could she agree to it at all? And now, i was supposed to find it in me to understand her playing a victim? While i mouthed the meaningless platitudes that are meant to comfort and support, inside i was screaming, "What have you done to my friend?"
Then, a few days ago, i read a line that jumped out of the page and practically bit me in the ass. It went like this: Everyone, without exception, is leading their fairy tale life. What????
And then i thought about a conversation i had with Samantha, all those years ago. We were drinking coffee at my place one morning, playing hooky from college, and laughing about how it'll be when we grow up. I was going to be a high-powered corporate executive, having a series of highly intense monogamous relationships, while she was going to be an atleast-twice-married sexy Mama, with a string of admirers. Seems we were living our fairy tale lives after all....
Maybe that line was right. Maybe not. I called her anyway and really listened to her. And while doing so, i sensed my friend there, albeit in flashes. We spoke for an hour, and as I hung up, I promised to visit.
And then i sat down to rewrite my fairy tale.
9 comments:
So, is it done?
Realised i'd already written about something like that here
http://watching-the-world-go-by.blogspot.com/2007/02/i-love-romantic-comedies.html
Now i think is the time to fine-tune it and figure out how one goes about getting it. That's a toughie.
O wow. I feel sorry for your friend even though I don't know her.
I was always told that in the end, when it comes to marriage, it is always better and a safe bet to marry some one 'who loves you' rather than wait for the 'the one you love'. I am so curious to know what went wrong with her life, after all she was married to a man who adored her. Did he stop loving her? What went wrong?
I think what went wrong in this case and what goes wrong generally is that we underestimate OUR need to love. We think that what gives us joy is someone who'll adore everything about us, not leave us. The truth is, atleast for me, that much as we want to be adored, we want to be adored by someone worthy of our regard, our adoration and our love. Otherwise, the drooling street-romeo would be enough for our dreams.
I see. Makes me feel better, sorry. I once almost married a man who loved me to bits, later I regretted it sometimes as I did not find anyone who loved me or vice versa....thought that may be be i w'd ve been better off at least marrying someone 'who loves me'. But you are right, sometimes just that is not enough.
Aside, what was the need to take TO's suggestion and make it harder for us nice people to post a comment....this word verification thing is very annoying. :-p
Coming back to the topic, she is your friend. And she probably knows (through your experience as a single woman) that it is not that easy to find love. I mean look at all of us here, almost 30 and single. It was different if she got married when she was 23 and then decided to walk out of marriage for whatt ever reason. But considering all the pressure (personal or otherwise, refer to your post 'till death do us part' for details), its almost like it is time to just find someone who is half way decent, sort of loves us, we kinda love him and then get married and 'settle' down( the word i HATE from the bottom of my heart. I mean I don't hate the word 'settle' per se, but i hate the way people all around me use it to equate it to marriage).
I must say it was indeed very brave of your friend to walk out of the marriage and step into the daunting unknown. What are her plans, what is she gonna do now? Look for love?
What are your views on it S and TO?
I honestly don't know what the right path of action should be. Maybe you should 'settle' down, maybe you should wait. Who knows? All i am certain of is that there are no guarantees either way. As for my friend's 'bravery' - when something becomes intolerable, there is usually no other way.
Yeah may be you are right. In the end it all boils down to what makes you happy or rather what situation will not make you slit your wrists, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do to keep sane.
where is TO?
I have nothing to say on this subject.
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