Monday, April 23, 2007

Till Death Do Us 'Part? One can only hope.

So over the last couple of days, the whole marriage thing has been floating around a bit. And it's odd, because while i'm thinking that it's just one of those things, I observe that the Universe may just be lining up its stars to tell me something that i'm just not paying any attention to.

First, there was my grandmother calling me (she NEVER calls) telling me how she has set me up with some guy she's found out about who lives in the USA and who has a brother in Australia. Since when did people get married to someone based on the country of residence? No, i'm not being naive.... I know grooms and brides are sought after particularly if they happen to be in any of the First World countries, but we know that's not a marriage so much as a visa.

So anyway, about this guy. He's supposed to be absolutely perfect - settled (read as rich, has a green card, has a 6-digit dollar salary doing some IT/sales/marketing job in an international company), single (read as bored of chasing skirt and under pressure to provide the regulation bride and grandkids), etc etc. But how does one marry a stranger?

My friends seem to be facing this exact situation a lot these days. One of them is sure she won't marry a stranger. Her folks got her on to one of the matrimonial sites, and she met a few people, ended up falling for a few... but no marriage in site. After 6 months of dating, it's still "too early" to tell. The fact is, there's nothing to tell. They're still doing the dance that we're all tired of dancing - the reason one is going through the "for matrimonial purposes" exercise anyway.

Then i have my mother calling up - a veteran of two marriages. And it seems even she's pretty clueless. According to her, a marriage works only if two people trust and respect each other. After all, the age-old reasons for marriage seem to have been deemed redundant - financial security and sexual availability... and yes, family. But in today's changing world, women are earning enough to be independent, everyone's sexually active and women have been single parents for years already.

Then in today's paper, i read how, with lengthening paces in the world of scientific breakthrough, it's possible that sperms will soon be created out of bone marrow. No men needed. No mess, no heartache, no need for prozac. Yay.

And finally, all around me, my still-single and newly-single friends hurtle towards the wrong side of 30 or 35 or 40, wondering what went wrong. Why did that girl/ guy not love them enough/ not wait for them/ leave them/ cheat on them/ divorce them/ marry someone else, etc etc and why are they left on the sidelines, giving their all to keeping that smile pasted on their faces, while they watch someone else get their happily ever after?

I don't know what the Universe is trying to tell me. That time's running out? That we're lonely creatures of nature? I knew that a long time ago. But seriously, did it have to rub my nose in it?


Anonymous said...

Look you don't have to worry about being single. All you have to worry about is being 'happy'.

Marriage is overrated too. We are conditioned to believe that marriage = stability.(More so by Indian society and to some extent by western too). But I truly believe its all in the mind.

Even after you get married, you goal is still the same as when you were single- i.e. strive to be happy.

Of course you have more of some things, less of the other. You have more responsibilities, mortgages, children, changing diapers (ughs!), a break up is easier than a divorce at all levels, sex with the same person again and again for the rest of your life! But then you have more people around you, all your bills are halved, you have someone to come home to everyday (hopefully that's a good thing), children and husband who will hopefully love you the way you want them too. So life does not change 'drasctically' really. Motherhood is not the sole aim of a woman. There are plenty of lovely kids out there waiting to be adopted, if you do choose to to be a mother later in life. And then not to forget, there are people who are utterly lonely despite being married and having kids.

Don't depair. Time is not running out. Marriage is not a 'goal',its not a project that you need to hand in by this deadline. Don't force the marriage 'solution' on you life, just go with the flow.
The bottomline is, you can be happy anywhere, in any state and at any age. It's your life, live it, and live it king size! :)

best wishes

annie said...

Idea of an arranged marriage scares the sh**out of me!