Wednesday, August 5, 2009


I think I met someone....

wow. someone new or someone whom you've known for a while but just saw a whole new facet of?

A bit of both. We used to be really good friends in school. And then we lost touch. Now, 15 years later, thanks to Facebook, we got back in touch a month ago...

Go on.

And then i went and met him for a day in Bangalore

Really? That was... fast...

Well.. yes and no. We had been talking for a bit. And he was in the country for a week. And i needed a break from this city anyway... And yes ofcourse i was curious.. What does that even mean? Fast?

Nothing. Don't worry. So why didn't he come to Bombay to see you?

He doesn't like Bombay.

So he dislikes Bombay more than he likes you?

Maybe. Does it matter? Is that even relevant?

I don't know. Just saying that you met him on his terms on his home turf.

You're saying he manipulated me?

I'm not saying anything. Yet. So how was it?

It... it was fun

Fun? Like a roller coaster ride is fun? Or watching a movie is fun?

More like a movie... you know, some of it is familiar and funny and sweet, and some of it is new... and you don't know if the character is pretending or if he truly believes what he says... and whether you should believe him or wait for him to reach for the axe under the bed... you know?

Hmm. Clearly it's a thriller then. With an axe and ambivalent characteristics.

I don't know that. It could even be a romantic comedy. Ofcourse, only the people watching the film know that. Anyone within the film don't know that anything is funny. Or romantic. Or psychotic.

You like him?

I like what i've seen of him, and what we've spoken about over the last few days..


But i'm wondering if i'm looking at him too much through the blurry glasses of time travel...

Time travel?? What kind of meeting was this anyway?

You know... remembering foggy details of our friendship in school and imagining that the adult today is the same guy who was my friend. It could be that i'm not looking at the person today.

Hmm. Interesting. So let's do a fact check. What do you know of this total stranger you met in Bangalore?

He's about 32 years old. He started his career as a NIFT designer, went on to work in Gap in Los Angeles, then moved from there to GE and now works as a Management consultant for Accenture in London. Builds / designs pipelines (?). Lives in Primrose hill. Close to his brother's place. But he and his brother are not close. He has a cousin in Bangalore whom he's very close to. He makes several trips a year to meet his mom, who's in Delhi. He seems to be doing well professionally and is quite close to certain members of his extended family and is a self-professed "mama's boy".

Mama's boy, hmm? Does that worry you?

Yes. Because the few people whom i've been with and have been Mama's boys, they have always chosen Mom over me. And i don't do well with Mothers.

Maybe you need to work harder on that. All guys are Mama's boys at some level.

Hmm... I don't think i care that they're Mama's Boys, so long as they're My Men.

Fair enough. Maybe he'll outgrow that.

Oh, i don't buy that. I have reached the point where i don't believe Men change dramatically. And i also believe that when men say something, even in jest, they mean it.

Really? So what else has he been saying?

He invited me to come and see him in London "as soon as i can for as long as i can". He has promised me that i will see the worst of him because he will be super busy at work and not on easy holiday mode as he was in Bangalore.

And that's supposed to attract you because?

Because apparently, if i see him at his worst, and don't run away screaming, then it'll all be up from there.

well, atleast he's consistent.

How did you get that?

He's invited you back to his home turf. You get to make the effort. And he gets to be a boor. All for the greater good.

Sounds like a scam, right?

Maybe. What else?

He keeps dropping references to his 'insensitivity' (an inside joke as he kept forgetting what i told him about my life), to his multiple chips on his shoulder about his past (home, school, family, etc) and how rich he is and important at work.

And you're wondering if he really IS that hung up on things or if it seemed like that because you shrunk 15 years of life into 24 hours.


So what's the good news?

The good news is that he's unnervingly direct about his attraction to me. He likes to 'keep things simple', says what's on his mind, makes me laugh, can laugh at himself.... It's good news if it's true ofcourse.

Why won't it be true?

Because... you know.. it's the chase.. everyone likes the chase... and everyone has a trick to win the prize.. Maybe his trick is to 'honestly' say flattering things - so it's not flattery, and yet wins him brownie points...

What's your trick?

My trick? I don't know. My friends say i get all flirty and laugh a coquettish laugh. I make the guy believe whatever he wants to believe?

Is that wrong?

well yes... considering he could very well be belabouring under a false impression of being the centre of my Universe, thus upping the ante of his pursual, making me more flattered by his attention, etc etc... the cycle continues. It's good if i mean it, and it's all honest. But just like in my case, the flirtatious behaviour is all just reflex, not necessarily driven by the qualities of one person, but of the 'chase' in general... it could be the same for him too.

It probably is. But what's the problem?

The problem? Haven't you been reading what i've been saying?

This is what you have said so far. A guy, whose data sheet doesn't peg him as an axe murderer, has made it clear he likes you. His motivations, so long as they're not malicious, and they don't seem to be, are his business. What are your motivations for pursuing this?

I don't know... the chance to build something with someone that has some kind of lasting power?

That you have had with various people - Alex, Kosta, VJ, Sam...

VJ was great. But really young and not into building something long term.

Did he say so?

No.. but..

You assumed as much.

He didn't refute me.

Maybe you seemed certain about wanting out. Anyway, go on.

Kosta... he was just too cerebral. Everything was thought out. Analysed. Planned. And terrible sex.

Ok. So bad sex is a deal breaker?

Yes, ofcourse. Good sex can solve problems. Bad sex can make good days look dull.

So.. have you had sex with this guy?

No. We kissed. But when things started getting.. umm.. heavy, i backed off. He didn't push it.

That's sensitive.


So he's already refuting his self-claimed 'insensitivity'.

Yes. But....



A-Girl said...

Hi Searcher, nice post. I regularly read your blog, but checked it today after a long time.

Are you still looking for love? I am surprised, given that you are in a profession that requires you to meet so many people...and you live in one of the most populated, bustling and "happening" cities in the world....given this one would assume that eligible men are thrown at you left, right and center :)

So then why would you consider being with a guy who lives on another continent? Well not to say that you cant find love anywhere, and when you find love, the distance and other logistics can be worked out. But still, how about considering 'local men' first?

From your description this London Guy, seems just OK. Of course I did not witness your meeting with him but, is this guy even chivalrous? Asking you to come all the way to London....if he is really that rich as he claims to be, was he chivalrous enough to offer to buy you the plane ticket? I know you perhaps do well for yourself money-wise and are perhaps a feminist and all that jazz, but when one invites a woman to meet him ('again'), isn't this only a gentlemanly thing to do? And a self proclaimed, almost unapologetic "mama's boy"?? Ask him what exactly would being a "mama's boy" entail. It is ok to be it when you are 20. But at 32, men should cut their umbilical cord. At least the sensible and mature ones should.

Searcher said...

A-Girl: "eligible" isn't always as eligible as the word warrants :) But thanks for checking in - and, trust me, i keep my eyes peeled for the 'locals'.

samii boo said...

Wow this Blog to me make so much sense of the fact of everything that is happening to me at the mo :) i love this it is best i have read keep it up :)