Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Random Wrath - I

Do you envy the people who can get hurt by others? I do. It means they give a shit. It's good to give a shit. Once upon a time I used to. Then I decided its too damn painful. So here I am, not giving a shit, so that the only person who has any say in how happy or unhappy I am is me.

It's a pretty high pressure job, constantly monitoring happiness levels. Most of the time, one tends to shirk and choose "contentment" over the vagaries of happiness or unhappiness. It's also pretty lonely.

Not that writing it down is going to make me give a shit. It's just going to make me realise that no matter what I do, I probably never will change back to the person who really cared. Cuz that person is long gone.

Left behind is me, a girl who wishes she could get hurt by others. Imagine that. After spending a lifetime wishing people wouldn't hurt me, here I am wishing they could.

Talk about irony.


AG said...

Wait, what? That didn't make any sense.

From your posts you come across as a sane person (yes you do). and very human. In fact what jumps out of your posts is your ability to deeply feel emotion (the sad one especially).

After reading all your gazillion posts, you suddenly drop a bomb saying you are now one of those women who don't care. I am sorry, but that doesn't sound believable at all. (More so since you positioned this post right next to the one where who write about the pain of your parents' divorce.)

To me it seems like one of those "made up" posts that one writes when one has nothing better to do.

I mean who in the world would "want to" get hurt by other people?? Unless someone has developed some serious case of masochism. And you seem too sane and too intelligent a woman to be that.

Please snap out of it.


PS:Random question: Did you have anything to do with the movie Jane tu?

Searcher said...

dear AG,

Thank you. I appreciate it. It wasn't a 'made up' post, just undirected rage that had to be put somewhere. And no, i had nothing at all to do with Jaane Tu.