Tuesday, May 23, 2006

A One Night Stand

It's horrible. A man i've known for five years now, and slept with once after a long night of drinking, is getting married to a woman he claims he 'loves' but is not 'in love with'. Which is fine, i'm not here to talk about his choices or whatever. It's just that after thinking that it really didn't matter to me - what he does and who he does it with (i'm not his girlfriend, thank god!) - i find that it matters one helluva lot!

maybe its because lately i find myself the sole single person in rooms full of couples, maybe it's because he was my 'backup', the guy who finds you hugely hot no matter what (and somedays a girl needs that kind of unconditional adoration), maybe it's because i'm grappling with the idea of marrying someone whom you don't really love, but want in your life cuz no one's getting any younger.

ANd i'm sad. I'm sad because he didn't find me worth the effort of attempting monogamy, i'm sad because no one seems to want to be with me for any appreciable period of time... and i wonder, am i doing something wrong? Is the real problem me?

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