Friday, October 21, 2011

That Day when Love Hurts...

That moment when you sit down unsuspectingly at your computer, click open your player, load up some Death Cab for Cutie on it and turn your attention to your multiple email-boxes only to come across a communique from someone you thought you knew a long time ago...

That minute when you re-read that email and wonder why he was getting in touch, why he had been so unhappy with his life to want you in it for that occasion, and DCFC talks about "so many possibilities to rock your world, and all you see is where you could be when you were home.."

That sip of wine that takes you back to all those years ago when in an alcoholic fugue that you mistakenly called heartache, you swore that you would never get over him, without realising that wine-oaths have a lasting impression of a few years, and absolutely no power beyond them..

Those goose-bumps that travel up your spine, chasing each other in a race to be the first to reach your heart, to travel down your to the vacant ring finger and remind you of the tinfoil that had been fashioned by him from the remains of his meth hit as a promise of forever..

That itch in your fingers to pick up the phone and dial his number when Death Cab reminds you that this is fact, not fiction, that maybe he should have given you a reason to stay, that yes, it's true that all the friends and lovers in your life don't make you feel any less alone on days when it would be good to be anchored by a pair of syringe-riddled arms as he spun you tales of the purple brick road...

That time of the day when you would rather have read anything other than the much-delayed announcement of his funeral while you hear the guitar chords that remind you of disappointment and regrets and the slow fade of love...

The time when the real hurt was about the person you were then, with all the delusions that your mind could muster intact, when rationalisations and closure were words that meant little...

And you wonder if that white noise you've gotten used to hearing is the sound of settling..

1 comment:

illistrated in illusions said...

An ordinary life caught in an extraordinary labyrinth, all illustrated in illusions...