Sunday, March 13, 2011

A Day in the Life of a Little Village

EARLY MORNING BLUES : Nancy's Husband speaks

Woke up this morning, with a single thought in my head
That time was running by, but it was hard to get out of bed
What happened to the man i was just yesterday?
And then i remembered, with the suddenness of death
My old woman Nancy, she'd run off with my neighbor Ted

My coffee isn't in the pot, my shirts ain't laundered
When i see that lying cunt, I'll get her ku-chumbered
But for now, i have to find my slippers and get on with the day
Maybe I'll find Ted's wife, and bang her all through May

There has to be a plan
In this godforsaken World
If there is a carnivorous plant,
There must be a vegan boar
Someday when the balances finally figure out their job
That'll be the day I'll happily rip out Ted's heart.


Ted's my name, but i'm thinking of changing it over
Cuz Nancy is nice, but she's really not worth the trouble
Of having her husband chase me around town
with a machete stained with old blood that's now turned brown

I'm no hero, and i'm clearly not too bright
Cuz when a girl is unhappy, i just tried to make it right
Sure i'm a catch, she'd be insane not to want me
With my Best Piss in the Snow award and my miniature backyard tee-pee

Now we're on the road, heading east of wherever
She's snoring in the backseat; dunno why i'm the designated driver
She'll wake up and want to grab a bite of something nice
Hey, whatdya know, i'll just lie back and enjoy the ride!


What is it with men and their unending musing
About love and lust and the nonsense in-between?
All i wanted was a roll in the sack
But before i knew it, i was told to pack
'He'll kill me, he's seen your letter!" was his plaintive cry
"But.. but.. how did he know?" was my confused reply.

Two days now, and i wonder where i went wrong,
One love letter that fell in the other's hands
Ted and my man, both dumber than bricks
Can't see that i'm not interested in their sticks
There IS true love, but neither of them know
That it's Ted's wife i'd rather blow...


My neighbor is sweet, her name was Nancy
Dunno why, but i'd caught her fancy
I have the curves and high heeled shoes
But there's always a few inches a girl can lose
Ted's been patient, but he's reached the end of his tether
And i can see why he'd jump the fence over

Nancy probably wanted to see a little city-side whirl
The truth is, she's all woman, that girl
With her winks and her lip-licking trickery
It's possible this village is too small for her witchery
Grabbing her mink jacket and Slims that she smokes
She thinks she's ready to open new doors

My door would be the wrong one, i'll have to admit
Because while she's gorgeous, i'm surely not the best fit
Two women together may be her dream come true
But my problems are really too big for two
One of the issues is that i like a Man's wood
And the other is that i'm really a dude.

No comments: