Saturday, July 14, 2007

"Use it or Lose it"

It's a common philosophy when it comes to sex - or atleast one's 'mojo' whatever that means. And lately, i've started wondering if, in fact, i may belong to the group that has 'lost' it.

I enjoy sex. I think it's fun. It's got this amazing feel-good factor that most romantic-comedies can't beat. However, lately, i've been quite circumspect when it comes to choosing bed-mates. After a spate of being highly indiscriminate, i just ended it cold turkey (I wish i could do the same with smoking, but that's another post). And since that time, refusing to be swayed by "Oh, i really need to be held right now", i haven't really... you know.. 'been' with anyone.

Then, one day, a conversation came up about the dreaded 'use it or lose it' factor. I admit i got scared. I mean, what if it's true?? So i turned to my age-old acid test - Matt - a man who's always known which buttons to push to get me going. Matt is a man in uniform. He's clean-shaven, tall, dark and lean, kisses like a dream, adores the ground i walk on, and is married. Perfect for a no-strings-attached experiment on mojo-ism. I've known Matt for many years, most of which he spent trying to get into my pants. It was quite flattering, i must admit. But somehow, his inabilty to commit and the fact that he had a long-term girlfriend (now wife) always got in the way of the two of us getting it on. Until a drunken, one-night stand ages ago.

That's history for you.

So a few days ago, after several glasses of wine (and several men who just had not managed to grab my attention over weeks), i thought, "Let me see if i still got it." I called Matt. He surprisingly was in town. Wife wasn't - not for the whole week. This just HAD to be considered as a sign that the Universe wants me to go ahead with the ridiculous plan that had formed in my head. After that, it was just a matter of when i could effectively rationalize my behavior and help my self-control crumble. It didn't take long.

I reached his doorstep, he kissed me hullo, and things got under way. Except - while he was nibbling my neck, and murmuring delicious nothings into my ear, i was thinking of a campaign i had to roll out by the next morning. Yep, I was thinking of work. Maybe it's a step above from thinking of the laundry, but hey! MATT was KISSING me!!! It was Matt! The gorgeous hunk with the big bike and the edgy death wish! Come ON!!

But it was too late... No matter how many glasses of wine i had, how many cigarettes i smoked, how cozy i got with him, somehow - it was over. Kissing him was fun but... cerebral. One constant refrain kept running through my head - Another one bites the dust. The next morning, when i kissed him goodbye, i didn't even feel a pang. It was awful.

In my highly disgruntled state, i bumped into a friend online. She's aware of my highly tumultuous non-relationship with Matt, and rationalized my feelings of 'having lost it' as "You're finally over him! Now you can move on! You haven't lost it - your standards are just not that low anymore." Hmmm..... and this is a friend.

I don't know about moving on. Maybe this is what the Wise Men meant when they talked about attaining nirvana or moksha or whatever. All i know is, i derive greater satisfaction out of watching Johnny Depp wobble his way into Pirate heaven than i do fielding calls from various unknowns.

Maybe i should get a cat named Martha. That's truly complete this picture.


Bloggermom said...

I just bumped into your blog. I blog too. I am married and my husband cheats. Don't worry he is not Matt. How do you girls do it? How can you sleep with a married man? I am not angry, just curious.

Searcher said...

hey bloggermom, thanks for writing in. I seem to be getting it from all sides today. How do we girls do it? We're single. We want a happily ever after too. We chase it wherever we can potentially find it. We're allowed because nothing is at stake. The question however needs to be asked of the guys who have so much to lose. Why/how do they do it? What the hell is he doing looking at another girl? I have single female friends of mine who are constantly being chased by married (sometimes with kids) men. When will "guys will be guys" stop being a valid excuse?

Anonymous said...

In this case, was the "guy being a guy" or were you trying out your mojo...just for some fun?

Searcher said...

A bit of both, clearly. Why assume they're mutually exclusive?

Bloggermom said...

Searcher I may sound biased, but a piece of advice, trite but still holds strong. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, the age old golden rule. You may delete this post if you feel embarassed about it, but if you follow this rule, life will be a little easier for everyone, including you.


Searcher said...

Hey Bloggermom, welcome back :-)Yes, that "karmic circle" argument is familiar. And, I have been in a relationship where my significant other has cheated on me. And the million-dollar question is - am i or the 'other' girl to blame for him being unable to control his urges? No. The only thing then that you can be responsible for at that point is the decision of continuing to put up with it or not. Again, there's no right or wrong answer to that - just what works for you and your relationship at that time. High time everybody started taking responsibility for their actions instead of blaming 'karma', 'God', 'alcohol' or 'society'.

Bloggermom said...

"High time everybody started taking responsibility for their actions instead of blaming 'karma', 'God', 'alcohol' or 'society'.".

How ironic.

I truly feel sorry for the times you were cheated on by your exs, i really do. But please don't perpetuate the cycle by saying "men will be men"....and this happened as "he" couldn't control his urges. Just because it may be easy for some married men to be scumbags, doesn't mean it should be easy for you too.

Peace be with you.

Searcher said...

:-) My new post, dedicated to you bloggermom.